Is the the girl just really naive, or stupid, or is she trying to seduce her dad?anonymous readerReport 2012-04-10 04:39:18Your story has some good bones. Sex vedio But otherwise it’s a good start for a first attempt. 4 comments«1»sammielovedollReport 2012-04-10 21:34:55More soon guys! I’d love to see it cleaned up and fleshed out a little more!anonymous readerReport 2012-04-10 03:11:18Oh yah mate more more more pleaseeeeeeeeeee«1» But REALLY make us feel like the characters mean something to us. I also fixed it.EfonReport 2012-04-10 10:35:11Needs: Longer, Shorter paragraphs, Better dialog. Is Daddy conflicted about doing this or is he a dirty old man? 4 comments«1»sammielovedollReport 2012-04-10 21:34:55More soon guys! Is Daddy conflicted about doing this or is he a dirty old man? Is Daddy conflicted about doing this or is he a dirty old man? I also fixed it.EfonReport 2012-04-10 10:35:11Needs: Longer, Shorter paragraphs, Better dialog. Is the the girl just really naive, or stupid, or is she trying to seduce her dad?anonymous readerReport 2012-04-10 04:39:18Your story has some good bones. I also fixed it.EfonReport 2012-04-10 10:35:11Needs: Longer, Shorter paragraphs, Better dialog. 4 comments«1»sammielovedollReport 2012-04-10 21:34:55More soon guys! But REALLY make us feel like the characters mean something to us.
