Overall, not bad for a first submission. The basic premise is a bit off for a supposed “true story” as well. Sex videos A member of your family?!? Who is she? A member of your family?!? 2 comments«1»Ovid58Report 2012-11-12 06:07:23I didn’t vote, since I don’t want to spoil your ranking – anyway, please be more careful – just as the anonymous reader has already said, you switch between third person and first person in a way that really makes things hard to follow… But there’s still plenty of room for improvement.«1» The basic premise is a bit off for a supposed “true story” as well. On the other hand, you’ve mentioned that this is a true story… But it would be easier to read with a blank line after each paragraph. It’s not quite wall of text, you did break it up after the first long paragraph. Sorry, but, as a virgin, you just seem to know too much!anonymous readerReport 2012-11-11 08:56:41You switch between third person and first person seemingly at random. While I admit it’s possible, it’s not very probably. But it would be easier to read with a blank line after each paragraph. He shares a bed with her when he’s not relegated to the couch- but is a virgin?
