make a sequel with more action.READERReport 2005-05-24 01:54:40wow. . Porn sex . …and to think i thought this would be a good storyREADERReport 2005-01-10 11:45:42you need to show us what happens, dont tell, show dont tell, and take out as amny adjectives as you can, and replace them with appropriate verbs, it makes it much more interesting for the reader, and a grammer lesson wouldn’t go amissREADERReport 2004-12-14 07:30:28I DID A SIMILAR THING SO I LIKED IT AND GOT OFF READING ITREADERReport 2004-07-07 19:21:27prolly the worst i’ve ever read…not really much to it«12» 8 comments«12»READERReport 2005-05-25 23:21:34so this is all u got? make a sequel with more action.READERReport 2005-05-24 01:54:40wow. . . …and to think i thought this would be a good storyREADERReport 2005-01-10 11:45:42you need to show us what happens, dont tell, show dont tell, and take out as amny adjectives as you can, and replace them with appropriate verbs, it makes it much more interesting for the reader, and a grammer lesson wouldn’t go amissREADERReport 2004-12-14 07:30:28I DID A SIMILAR THING SO I LIKED IT AND GOT OFF READING ITREADERReport 2004-07-07 19:21:27prolly the worst i’ve ever read…not really much to it«12» 8 comments«12»READERReport 2005-05-25 23:21:34so this is all u got? make a sequel with more action.READERReport 2005-05-24 01:54:40wow. . . …and to think i thought this would be a good storyREADERReport 2005-01-10 11:45:42you need to show us what happens, dont tell, show dont tell, and take out as amny adjectives as you can,
