work on your structuring and this could be a very good story.BigDoug35Report 2011-02-07 12:11:11Your structure is sloppy. Sex videos The structure was diffucult to read. The structure was diffucult to read. The structure was diffucult to read. There were several technical errors. Other than that, I really enjoyed it. Also if she was drugged shouldn’t she be feeling a little drowsy and disorientated, not “oh wow I’m naked and there a man next to me, hey mister!!!”anonymous readerReport 2012-02-11 22:59:41pYxkEG As I have expected, the writer blurted out..!anonymous readerReport 2011-02-21 17:34:48Sloppy. The structure was diffucult to read. I suggest paragraphs, and better dialogue structuring could help the readed wuite a bit. There were several technical errors. Also, shouldn’t there be a kind of lead-up to the whole kidnap thing because it is kind of a plonk in the middle of a street and get raped. You need some paragraphs and more story flow.anonymous readerReport 2011-02-04 20:35:16Not much dialoge. . . . . . …«1» 5 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2012-12-25 17:19:55Decent story, but there are several quite obvious spelling mistakes, the structure of the writing is sloppy and the story doesn’t quite flow as it seems to jump from one bit to another, like you got bored of writing that part and moved on…anyway maybe you should get someone else to read it as it could be a whole lot better if you revised it with someone.
