This has promise, but your style needs a *lot* of work. Peace. Sex This has promise, but your style needs a *lot* of work. I don’t understand your obsession with brand names. =Dreamer=READERReport 2006-03-04 23:38:38complete crap«12» Peace. Details are good, but they have to be the right details. =Dreamer=READERReport 2006-03-04 23:38:38complete crap«12» Details are good, but they have to be the right details. it was almost painful to read. People don’t just go around fingering their friends; if they have a special relationship, we really need to know about it for this to make sense. Details are good, but they have to be the right details. Please learn how to use commas. Do you know how much those things cost? You really need to write more about the characters, not just their clothes. If your character is rich, but none of his friends know it, don’t have him live in a house with a four-car garage and drive a Lincoln Navigator! Do you know how much those things cost? Do you know how much those things cost? People don’t just go around fingering their friends; if they have a special relationship, we really need to know about it for this to make sense.
