i was definatly captured all the way to the end. a simple story line whould have worked much better. Sex a simple story line whould have worked much better. I apologize if I insult you, but I feel you have potential. I write and sell a few stories. If yours was crap I would have moved on and not bothered. 3 comments«1»aceofhartsReport 2008-10-27 07:55:27Excellent story!!!!! Don’t be clever until you first become a writer. Though i did get lost a few times along the way i believe this was to do with the lack of detail and description of there settings. 3 comments«1»aceofhartsReport 2008-10-27 07:55:27Excellent story!!!!! Why not try to tell a straight story that starts at the beginning and stops at the end? Don’t be clever until you first become a writer. The “D” was pure hoke. Right now you are trying to be clever. 3 comments«1»aceofhartsReport 2008-10-27 07:55:27Excellent story!!!!! i was definatly captured all the way to the end. i was definatly captured all the way to the end. Don’t be clever until you first become a writer. Why not try to tell a straight story that starts at the beginning and stops at the end? Though i did get lost a few times along the way i believe this was to do with the lack of detail and description of there settings.
